I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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