i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
