i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
