Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I pour the whiskey from now on
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
