Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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