How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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