Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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