im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
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