I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize