yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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