I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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