sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
