My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
