My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
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