no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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