wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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