What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
