these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
