he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
She made me pour olive oil on her.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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