i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
