woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
where are my eyebrows?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
