Got a toothbrush?
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
