i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
