You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
