He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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