Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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