Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Randomize
