Pappa wants mamma naked
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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