Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
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