Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
