She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Semen is not good for contacts.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
