I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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