he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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