Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
