I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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