Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
