he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
