I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
