so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
