Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
the day after is always just damage control
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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