good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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