I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
