I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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