Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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