I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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