the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
