you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
