Who did Billy Mays play for?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize