I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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