im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
