I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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