News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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