Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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