I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
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