it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
