Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
