Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
You dont lie about slip and slides
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
