We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
