It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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