Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
