I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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