those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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