ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Randomize
