I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I have already put on my inside pants.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
