Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
and you said cock pushups were impossible
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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