oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
