Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
