You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
