remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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