Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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