Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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