He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
