I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
